


Til the Morning Light

by Northisnotup



Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Hux is still a dick, Kinda redemption fic?, Kylo is Not Nice, M/M, Mention of miscarraige, Mpreg
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-04-28
Updated: 2016-04-28
Packaged: 2018-06-05 03:04:09
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,867
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6686614
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Northisnotup/pseuds/Northisnotup
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kylo doesn't have a lot of hope for the life he will lead after this decision, but it's more than just his life he needs to think of now. Whatever else will happen to him, he at least knows that his children will be cared for, maybe even loved, and will not be made to be murderers.</p><p>He hits send.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Til the Morning Light

**Author's Note:**

> This is canon divergence that starts before the movie takes place. It will, eventually follow most of the movie's plot points with minor changes. Inspired entirely by various Hamilton lyrics tbh. Expect five chapters and infrequent updates. Hope you enjoy!

Of all the times Leia has missed Luke after...what happened and his subsequent disappearance, this instant hurts the most. The simple set of coordinates on the screen stares mockingly at her, daring her to ignore them, and part of her wants desperately to. 

The digital mailbox was set up long before Han and Leia were married, in fact, before Luke left for Dagobah. Anytime they would check in, with or without leaving a message, it would log their co-ordinates for the others. As a safety measure.

That mailbox hasn't been touched by anyone but Leia herself since Ben was lost. 

The part of her that is General Organa thinks: trap, ploy, danger, obvious. 

The part of her that never stopped being Ben's mother isn't listening. That part is stuck staring at the single word left by Ben's code: Help. 

Yes, it's likely an obvious trap, and against all reason she is going to walk right into it. 

***  
As her ship drops out of hyperspace, Leia can grudgingly admit that if he really is hiding, he picked a good planet for it. Unoccupied, not strategically relevant and smack dab in the middle of a hyperspace run between two powerful and popular systems. 

A very good hiding place. 

A very good place for an ambush. 

(She'll have to note this planet if this proves to be an actual distress call. It'll make a good base.) 

Her scanners indicate that the native species are mostly avian, with one humanoid occupying a lone valley in the densely forested northern continent. Still, she lands on a rocky outcropping slightly further out, just in case. 

The ramp to Ben's ship is down and the door from the airlock left open when she approaches. He knows she's landed then. Leia keeps her eyes sharp and hand on her blaster moving forward into the living area. He isn't there to greet her, which only increases the itchy feelings of suspicion between her shoulders, but the cabin is empty. Leia feels her nostrils flaring as she breathes her annoyance out. This wild goose chase makes no sense, the message makes no sense. Even if it is an ambush, why now? From what little she's heard of ‘Kylo Ren,’ he would never lower himself to ask her for help. He has too much pride. Just like his father. 

Just like her. 

The door on the right slides open and Leia forces her shoulders to relax, her hand away from her blaster. She can do nothing about the shock that spreads through her and across her face when the man who’d once been her son stumbles pale and shirtless out of the 'fresher. 

By the Force. He is so tall. He towers over her, possibly reaching the height of his father. Ben is still gangly and pale, and his nose, like Han's, dominates his face, but he's grown into it well. 

"You came," He nods, wiping his mouth roughly before swiping long dark hair of out his face. "I wasn't sure you would, general." 

For a second, Leia can’t make herself move or speak. It feels like a dream, like the dream she’s had for years. "I'm not here as a general." She pauses, hating the way her voice is clipped and shaky. Hating the way she feels like they're both a step away from attacking. "Should I be?" 

"I was hoping you wouldn't." He sags against the doorway of the 'fresher, slightly too listless for her to believe it was casual. 

Her eyes fell to his chest, scarred, and then to his stomach, slightly bloated or maybe distended, and the way his hands caress it lightly. "Oh." Leia gasps quietly, everything sliding into place neatly. "How long have you known?" 

"A month or so." he shrugs roughly. "You knew this could happen?" 

"I hoped it would skip you, actually." Leia licks her lips, cursing the nervous gesture as she moves to sit at the low table. "We were planning to get you tested and talk about it when you came back." She swallows around the wave of grief and regret that sways up whenever that thought arises. Leia keeps her hands in her lap, clenched almost painfully together so as not to reach out, either physically or with the Force, just as carefully as she does not call him Ben. She hasn't earned that. Shared blood or not, she doesn't know the man standing across the room from her. She never got the chance to. 

"I," He sucks in a quick breath, turning his face further away from her eyes. "I am willing to surrender myself and whatever information I may have on the First Order and it's workings to the Resistance on the condition that my children will not suffer for my crimes and that I be allowed to personally pick the family they are raised with." through the curtain of his hair, she see's his jaw firm. 

Leia's heart stutters. "Children?" 

"It does run in the family." He smiles mirthlessly. 

Though Leia doesn't let silence settle between them, she carefully considers her words. "What can I call you?" The very last thing she wants is to destroy this fragile peace between them. 

He openly hesitates before taking the seat opposite from her. The unforgiving white light of the cabin emphasizes the dark bags beneath his surprised eyes and the fine lines beginning to frame them. "Ren. You can call me Ren." 

"Thank you, Ren." Leia nods, unsure whether he gave a name that he knew she would feel comfortable with or one he actually prefers. "As to the matter of your surrender, you know I will have to take your proposal before the council," Ren just nods, dark eyes serious. She sighs. There's a part of her that cannot believe they're having this conversation. "Well, I guess I'll have to seriously start looking for Luke now." 

She doesn't expect him to flinch. "I don't see why Skywalker has to be involved with this. Kill me, or fit me with a Force inhibitor. Just leave him to rot wherever he is." 

Biting her tongue against the instinct to to order Ren or negotiate with him, Leia gentles her tone. "Your pregnancy likely won't be like other humanoids, Ren. Luke has…unique experience in this matter." 

"And wouldn't Uncle Luke just love that! Seeing poor Ben, jedi failure, weak, vulnerable, and pregnant with some First Order scum's bastard." Ren says, shoving violently back from the table and beginning to pace.

She doesn't need the Force to see the hurt in his eyes, how vividly he believes his words. "No, Ren, that's not true." 

"The hell it's not!" Ren snarls and Leia feels the Force surge, like a delayed response, the metal of the ship beginning to contort around them. 

"Ren, your children!" Leia isn't sure when she stood up or when she started to reach out for him but as quickly as the Force answered it deserts him, leaving Ren pale and terrified, hands twitching toward his stomach. "They're okay, you're okay." She can feel them fluttering within him, not old enough to have their own thoughts or Force signature yet, but healthy and whole. 

Abruptly, Ren leans to the side, throwing up what little is in his stomach onto the spotless floor. Leia jumps up, fighting separate urges to comfort him and to clean up after him. Her lips pinch together, she shouldn’t have put someone in his condition through so much stress. The mess is mostly stomach acid and water from the look of it, though the colour indicates Ren has tried to combat the sickness with nutrition powders. "Well," Ren spits, "I'll add that to the list of things I cannot keep down." 

He isn’t looking at her, but Leia finds herself nodding sympathetically anyway. "The first trimester is always the worst for that." She says, more for something to say than anything else. It's a habit she thought she'd gotten rid of a long time ago. Shaking off the awkward anxiety that grips and deadens her limbs, she propels herself forward, searching for and gathering the materials to clean before he can tell her not to. Before the sudden sense memory of placing a cool hand on her son's feverish forehead, the smell of sick between them and Ben leaning gratefully into her touch can gut her into uselessness. 

He wouldn't lean into her now. 

"No matter the council ruling I can't take you to the main base.” She resists the urge to place a comforting hand on his shoulder as she sits back down. “Not while you can't defend yourself." 

Ren tenses, his pale face becoming drawn. "How do you-" 

"As far as we can tell, it's common in Force users." She interrupts before he can make himself sicker. “I couldn’t reach it for the second half of my pregnancy and Luke was without for the few months before birth.” 

Gaping unattractively, Ren attempts to say many things before settling on, “I didn’t know.” 

She shakes her head sadly. “It was before you were born. She was stillborn. He didn’t like to talk about it.” It still hurts.

Ren nods, shifting guiltily in his seat. "I only went to medical at all because the Force was becoming harder to access. The droid who took my blood told me..." 

"I take it you did not leave the droid intact?" 

He glares, baring his teeth and hissing, "Of course not!" 

"And is the Order likely to come after you?" 

"They haven't found me yet, through not for lack of trying," Ren scowls, "the Supreme Leader cannot find out." His hands clench. With his shoulders pressed forward and his knuckles white with fear he looks small and scared and very much the son she remembers from so long ago. 

"I understand. We'll take anything we can from this ship and load it onto mine. You'll be taken to a safehouse and I'll have two of my best to guard you." Leia relaxes back into her chair, much more comfortable now that she is able to plan and approach this like a battle. 

Ren rolls his eyes expressively. "You mean spies?"

"Guards." She repeats, and takes his grudging nod as agreement before pressing forward. In the next hour Ren haltingly leads her through everything he knows of the First Order's plans and workings. Their 'Supreme Leader' is putting much of his colonization on hold in favor of focusing on the search for Luke and the completion of a base similar to that of the Deathstar, which Ren calls Starkiller. 

It's existence chills her to the bone. The destruction of one planet screamed through the Force, waking something within her that's never been put to rest. Leia cannot imagine what the death of an entire system would feel like. "That, it can't happen, Ren. It can't." She rasps, turning her face from Ren's curious gaze. 

Leia had been steady as his mother, wise, gentle where she could be, strong when she had to be, working hard to master her use of the Force and her temper both. Maybe she should have let herself go more, been more approachable. But there has been a war on... Maybe that is where she failed. 

Ren sighs, looking troubled. "I know. It can be destroyed." 

"Oh?" 

"Yes," grimacing, he admits, "The, uh, other party...helped to build Starkiller. I don't know everything, but something might be helpful." 

Leia feels her eyebrows raise of their own accord. The other party, is it. Well, that is something. Instead of asking any of the question's dangling on the tip of her tongue, she asks about the inventory of the ship, something neutral that will keep them both occupied. He is well stocked for how quickly he fled, a scant amount of black robes, medical supplies, various credits and currencies, blasters as well as an ill functioning lightsaber. All that and one battered black bag the Force urges her to be wary of. 

"Don't." Ren snaps, holding a hand out to command a Force that doesn't jump to his bidding anymore. "You won't-" like it? Approve? Understand?

Heedlessly, Leia lifts the thick handles, thinking only to save Ren the effort. The singular object inside rolls slightly, heavy and smelling like smoke...

Ah, so those rumors were true. "It's not that I think he deserves his rest, it's just, surely there is a better place for him than a munitions bag?" She suggests thinly, trying not to think to hard about it's contents. She focuses on not letting herself drop the bag, to kick it or curse. 

"You're not mad." He says, more statement than question.

Leia huffs quietly. She is angry about a great many things, but the desecration of a pyre that the man didn't deserve isn't one of them. "That was Luke's journey, not mine." He was the one who needed a father. Darth Vader had murdered hers. "You always liked Luke's stories of his redemption, so I didn't see the harm in letting him tell you them." 

"You really don’t care?" Ren presses, looming over her, eyes wild. 

“I am...concerned. But you’re already doing more for your children than he ever did for his.” Ren follows her in a daze out of the ship, staring at her swinging braids unintelligibly. Licking her lips, Leia debates telling him for only a second before smiling wryly. "I'm not even sure he knew he had a daughter. He only ever talked about Luke. Anakin Skywalker's destined son." She can't help the ugly laugh that bubbles up. "Sometimes I think Obi-wan gave me to the Organa's so that at least someone would love me." 

She couldn't have surprised Ren more if she had slapped him. It would have been difficult, nigh impossible to approach these topics with Ben, with someone who looked to her to be a mother, a leader, an inspiration. With Kylo Ren, the thoughts she’d had for so long bubble up and over her tongue like an unstoppable force. Ren is, in many ways, what she always wished Ben would be: a grown man capable of understanding rational thought and action. 

Also, he already hates her, so she has nothing to lose. 

“Why didn’t you ever tell me?” He demands, voice cracking. 

“How do you say something like that to a child?” Leia keeps her head down, pretending to navigate the rocky terrain. The words she practiced for so long, perfected over and over just in case they ever met, just in case he ever asked desert her and she is left to fumble. “We meant to have you, you know. We planned. Got married, even. It was peacetime, the Republic was rebuilding in the wake of the Empire’s collapse. We thought we could be normal. And then when you finally came, the attacks started again, and we realized how wrong we were. Luke had been talking forever about restarting the Jedi, training children from childhood. When you started showing ability, we thought sending you with him would be better. You would get the training you needed, the attention you deserved, children your own age.” They’d been overwhelmed, with everything else piling up and a child needing to be raised. What did they know about children? 

Too late, she feels the disconnect between their minds. 

“Better?” Ren spits, “What did you know about what was better for me? You were never there!” Ren has stopped a good measure behind her, stock still and face twisted in an animal like snarl. “You sent me away...not because I couldn’t control myself or because I was scaring you, but because you didn’t know how to raise me?” Ren is shouting now, voice echoing up and down the canyon. 

What had Han used to say? That the truth always hurts? 

“Neither of us had ever spent time with children.” Leia says, not bothering to defend herself. “I...I had no idea that children would scream for hours over nothing, or have preferences,” and oh, how that had hurt, Ben toddling past her to tug at Han’s pants or Chewie’s fur. “Or ask question after question and yell when we didn’t have answers. The day you started asking about the Falcon was the happiest day in Han’s life because he could finally answer you.” Leia stutters, confessing faster than her mind can keep up, looking everywhere but at him. 

“That is how children are!” He yells, hands cupping his stomach protectively. 

“I know that now.” Leia sighs, dragging her eyes back to his reddened face. “I didn’t then. I’m so sorry we hurt you.” 

Ren stares at her, and though she doesn’t feel his mind touch hers, she has no doubt that her every flaw is being measured. “I don’t want you raising my children.” 

Swallowing hard, Leia bites her tongue and blinks back the tears that threaten. “That’s fair.” She doesn’t dare ask to see them, no matter how much she wants to. “I do love you, Ren. I always have.” 

“I know.” 

They board her ship silently, and Leia clears her mind of regret. She spoke her piece, now she will have to hope her actions can heal the worst of their wounds.


End file.
